8 nuggets of late 20's knowledge. You're welcome.

Sunday, July 29, 2018

Now that I'm older and obviously wiser (duh), here are a few nuggets of knowledge to share with all of you 20-somethings also on the slow death--erm, I mean trek-- toward 30:


1. Failure— like death— is unavoidable. 
You can coddle and put your heart and soul into something and that still doesn’t mean that it will stay or last, or that the universe will allow you to enjoy it for forever (despite what you or anyone else believes). Sometimes evil wins, people lie, life is unfair and it doesn’t matter how well you treat it, you will—at least once guaranteed, but probably many, many times throughout— fail at it. Or it will fail you.

2. We are guaranteed nothing in life. 
It sounds cynical as fuck but, honestly, it’s not. Once you start realizing that, you start understanding the whole “living in the moment” philosophy. Now I’m not saying cancel your 5 year plan or say “fuck it“ to every stable thing in your life. I’m just saying enjoy it— every single moment of happiness, of bliss, of goodness— while you can. It’s all fleeting— including the bad shit.

3. Expectations are pointless. 
Stop setting yourself up to be disappointed. Take it as it is. Life can change from one minute to the next, and people + emotions even faster. So just like before, enjoy whatever gets thrown your way— especially when it’s damn good, unexpected or done with love.


4. You will experience your worst nightmares and greatest fears sooner rather than later (I suppose that’s the burden we must bear for living past 25).
You will experience darkness and loneliness and the unbearable weight of the world trying to crush you and break you and twist every droplet of self out of you.
 It will suck. It will be unfulfilling. It will be hard— like the kind of hard where you feel it in your bones that it will literally be the death of you. It will push you past capacity, over your threshold to the point where you just. Can’t. Do it anymore. It will feel like forever.
And one day you will wake up in the future and realize you’ve lived through it. And be able to look fear in the face and go, “yeah? And?” Your latest obstacle that would have otherwise thrown you, destroyed you, is a blip on the chart. Because you’ve lived through worse and, guess what? Despite it all, you— wildly capable you, yes, you— survived.

5. Aaliyah preached “age ain’t nothin but a number”— and she wasn’t wrong. 
I’ve known many a 30 year olds married with a kid, mortgaging a house. I’ve also known 40-something year olds who have never been married and are still dating. Age suddenly isn’t a goal or a deadline, it’s just another year of your life that you make up along the way.
 If I still thought of age like how I did a few years ago, I’d feel like an 8th grader dating a 6th grader— gross. Or still believed that I’d be married by 25 like I had planned— because, ya know, 25 is old! Ha!

6. The idea of adulthood changes once you get to a certain age. 
If you are sitting here in your mid to late 20s going, “I don’t feel anything like an adult,” you haven’t felt it yet. The moment you don’t feel like the obscure “young” person in the room, you’ve officially hit this big ole theory we like to call “adulthood” where the rules are made up and the points mean absolutely nothing. Congrats!

7. Not everything has to have an emotion or reaction attached to it. 
Being Italian, this sounds ridiculous and impossible. I assure you, it is not.

8. There will be some things— childish things— that will still linger well into adulthood. 
Like grudges. And anger of past traumas. And every once and a while these things and feelings will well inside of you like a volcano about to erupt. And when they do, go deep inside your psyche and channel all of those feelings to imagine yourself taking the biggest shit of your life on the hood of their car in the middle of the night. Like, full on explosive diarrhea. No one around but you and the car in this very special moment. You leave completely clean with no trace of having ever been at the scene of the crime.
And then focus on imagining the person’s face the next morning when they come out and see it: confusion, disgust, anger. Imagine what they are thinking: How will they get it off? Is there a hose around? What if there isn’t? Will they drive to the car wash with the shit on the car? How will they explain that?! Even if there is a hose, will the smell linger for a few days? Are they thinking that they are shit? Or that they deserve to be shit on? Or both? Do they need to get hood-shitter security cameras now? Is this a 1 time assurance? WHO DOES THIS KINDA SHIT (pun most certainly intended)?
Trust me, works every time.
You're welcome.

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