It can't be Thursday, it's too gruesome!

Thursday, August 07, 2014

I'm not dead (& I have the selfie to prove it).
See, still here! And not looking too shabby, eh?

The Recap
Where do I even begin? 
These past few weeks have been me on an emotional roller coaster. Here's the daily breakdown:

In the mornings I'm usually a nightmare, fueled purely by my own hatred of the morning and having to get up and, ugh, hygiene. Shower, dress, run out the door, grab a Starbucks at Grand Central depending on my level of sleepiness (which lately has been pretty significant, so a lot), down that in less than 4 subway stops (notice the seemingly pointless 1st world survival skills I have acquired), basically run-walk to my office, take the elevator to my floor, put on a smile and start the day.

Now those days have varied between "jesus CHRIST, what am I doing here?" To "this is INSANELY awesome," to laughing in joy, to running out of the office the second it hits 6 o'clock. 
Couple that with midnight phone calls from my arguing parents (better known as my children) and the gloomy weather and you have one very big, scattered mess that is Me.

Hi there, Corinne, 24, emotional nutcase. So very pleased to meet you! Or not--that may change in the span of 12 seconds, so keep up!

Okay, it hasn't all been bad. Yesterday I had one of the creatives deliver some seriously inspiring assets for the project I work on-- and after an anxiety ridden morning (maybe week, week & a half), it totally inspired me to write some pretty awesome posts (aka doing my job the way that I should be). And I've been getting more organized (i.e. more notepads + better note taking). I even read #GirlBoss in a week (AM and PM on the train) and, not going to lie, the last two pages totally got to me.

I do this thing when I get scared (& I won't lie, this lion has been)-- I overthink and under-deliver. I self sabotage-- and if I think that my superior, or anyone for that matter, thinks that I'm even the slightest bit stupid, I will just shut down. If I don't know exactly, exactly what you want me to do, I'll internally freak out and freeze. And then I read the last 2 pages of that book, one of the closing remarks stating: "Be better than your personal best."
And that just hit me like a ton of bricks. Every time that I do anything it should be better and better. It shouldn't be as good as x or y, it should blow x and y out of the water. 
It's dumb and its not rocket science but it's the most non-cliche, genuine, doable advice I've ever heard and, well, I know that I've done pretty well for myself (and with more resources and free reign [well, kinda], I can do even better). 
It's a sad thing to admit, but the drive that used to fuel my creative night owl and keep me up on Pinterest all night has somewhere along the way gone into hiding. I've gone from Dorothy Gale to the cowardly lion and am just learning now how to get back or, rather, rebuild. But I'm not gone and I'm not dead (although for a while creatively it sure felt like it). And I'm trying-- this time better than my absolute personal best. Topping other amazing bloggers, not so within my realm. But doing better than myself, that I can do! 

So here's to the try. To not be better than the person next to me-- cause, well, I don't care about them, or those above me, but to be better than my best. Because that's how you just keep getting better and better, right?

Corinne will be back from her inspirational hiatus soon with blog entries to delight and dazzle your morning, noon, and night! 

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