do people actually write 'dear diary' in their journals?

Wednesday, July 09, 2014

Sorry for the lack of updates-- said the repeat offender. I feel like I say that every other week, primarily because I have. Sorry, guys.

Truth be told work has kicked into high gear and I've found myself coming home, taking a shower and going straight to bed. Except yesterday--I went out straight from a 10 hour day that was full speed from 9-7 for my friend Andrew's birthday. Being out and about was nice, but unfortunately not energizing enough to keep me awake very long. I left less than 2 hours after to catch a train that would get me in after 10. Cue undress, shower, sleep. Thank goodness I've gotten back into the habit of picking out my clothes on the weekends.

The good part about this has been that I've actually been sleeping! Round of applause all around. I've discovered that there apparently is a craft to it a successful night's sleep-- a.c. on until the morning, the proper amount of clothing (gigantic night shirt mandatory, pants & socks a total no-no), and the perfect number of pillows (3-4). Just in case I find myself at a new job with horrible nightmares and a broken sleeping pattern once again, this'll be my savior.
So far work is, well, work. It's nice to have boundaries-- having any emotional investment would probably kill me-- my brain capacity is more than enough to give on a daily basis. I like that when I leave that work it, for the most part, stops (even if it's at 8pm), that there's no yelling when I mess up (& I have-- the downfall of being new in all senses of the word), and (despite what the tension in my upper back tells me) that I have lots to do that need to get done. I like to think of it as a test of how much I can accomplish in one day-- even if I am a zombie when I leave (with what feels like absolutely nothing accomplished). It's definitely a learning experience-- in people, logistics, and life. That whole thing that they tell you about killing yourself and overworking when you're young so that you can take it easy when you get older/ more established in the industry clearly never worked in my neck of the woods. Or at least was never in the presence of people in higher positions. Maybe that was all just code for "you'll still be killing yourself, but will have an assistant to help you balance your calendar." I've come to terms with the fact that I'll be working like this for as long as I'm in this business. It's quite amusing to think otherwise.

But I can't complain. Because on weekends it's not there. I'm free to think and do and be whatever I choose (which is sometimes nothing at all). And there isn't the drama to follow me or the fear of what Monday will bring. Every day is Russian roulette-- but not emotion-wise. It's just work. And for me, it's better that way. But don't get me wrong, there is fear-- but it's the good kind that scares you into wanting to do your best.

Welcome back, motivation, it's been far too long. 

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