motivational monday

Monday, February 20, 2012

I recently had a moment where I made myself completely & utterly vulnerable by telling someone everything that has been going on in my crazy life, and then had them kick me when I was down. And lately I've been as far down as one can possibly be; life tends to get hard all at once, it seems. Whether or not they picked up on that at the time is one thing, why they said the thing they said is another. The whole situation caught me off guard and, at first, I totally brushed it off. My head automatically goes on the positive defense, especially for people that I hold so close. It was only the next day when I broke down about everything that I noticed how much that 1 sentence really hurt me. I truly felt betrayed. Why did they say that? On top of everything that had been going on, all of the stuff that I had opened up about-- my insecurities, my problems, my future, why did they say something that would make me feel even more worthless? Even more down? Not even on the same level with them?

Now, when said incident occurred, I wasn't expecting my life problems to be solved in a second. But, truth be told, to have someone basically put me down more than I already was whether they meant it or not, was totally out of nowhere. A friend is someone who lifts another up when they are feeling down, lends their shoulder to cry on, and is always there to cheer you on-- not push you down farther into your dark hole. It has to make you wonder after a while, how good of a friend are they really? Aren't they supposed to be your motivation when you've lost it all? The people who believe in you even when you are a hot friggin mess? Wasn't I that for them when they needed it? After discussing the situation with a close friend and hearing her own similar situation I immediately freaked out and uttered the words of advice I, apparently, needed to tell myself: screw that person. Don't ever let a person make you feel like you are less than you are worth.

Here's the deal: good people don't make others feel bad. The end. End of story. Fin. The fact that someone has the audacity to make you feel bad about yourself, or your life, or your choices, makes them crappy enough. To kick a girl when she's down? Now that's just cold. To make you feel worthless? Unbelievable. Unforgiving. And it should be! If the last person on the planet that you thought would ever make you feel shitty just kicked you when you were down here are key steps to take: 1. Freak out (it's inevitable), 2. Alert the world (or at least your other best friend) that they're an asshole/what they just did & get a second opinion, 3. Pick up & move the hell on because they clearly do not care about your feelings or you (and don't feel guilty because they really aren't a good person to begin with if they just caused #1).

Unless you are sincerely asking for honesty, as in "do I look like a complete hot mess right now, please don't lie, these are for my senior portraits?" no one should tell you that you are not good enough. No one should look you in the eye and tell you that you are the secretary in their big corporation of life after you've made them your CFO in your brain. No one should make you feel bad for what you have or give you a swift kick in the stomach one of the few times you've hit rock bottom & are sincerely asking for help.

We all love our friends when they are there to get drinks after a good day or celebrate after a promotion, but it's those dark times where you are lost, have cried off all of your makeup, are in leggings & rainboots in the middle of Starbucks and are begging for a hug, that truly separate the true from the fair-weather. If you are sitting here going, crap that's happened to me! really look at that "friend" of yours-- you'd be surprised how much stuff we let roll off of our shoulders on a good day without even realizing.

I think that a part of becoming an adult is learning your worth as a person. To me, as long as you bust your ass, try, and are good to yourself and others, you are worth something. Never, ever let anyone tell you that you are anything less than the best, or that you deserve anything else. At the end of the day, money, fame, and status do not give you worth-- it's how you act, how hard you work, and your overall character that decides it all. Being a good person matters and it does give you worth. How many celebrities have you gushed over & then found out they were complete & total D-bags & still liked? Probably none!

Convincing others of your worth is easy, convincing yourself is another thing entirely. I know this because it took me weeks to even get over it & write a coherent post about it, or actually believe these next few pieces of advice I'm about to give you: It may get dark, you may always get lost (as I frequently do, both literally & metaphorically) but that doesn't mean you don't have something amazing to offer the world. A very sweet and wise friend who kicks some butt herself looked me in the face over a cup of coffee, after I went over my rant about how I'm the only one who doesn't know what the hell I'm doing with my life and said, and said "No, no we all don't know. I still don't know. You just have to enjoy it. Don't look back and regret being upset, just go with it."

And that, honestly was all I needed to hear. I wasn't asking for the meaning of life or even a solution for right now. Just a pat on the back, the "it's going to be OK speech," the "here's your favorite cup of coffee, on me, you seem like you really need it" with a smile. To hear that, even though things suck right now & time feels like it's ticking away & everyone seems to have figured it out, you're not alone! To feel that I'm worth a little cheering, whether it be for the crazy future career I've dreamed up or the well though out 5 year plan. And, most of all, that I'm not getting demoted from CFO because I'm currently a hot mess!

We all have our bad days, years, decades, but that doesn't make you any less great, it just makes you need more help than you're used to. It doesn't make you worthless, it just means you haven't found the perfect spot for your expertise. Not knowing the answers doesn't mean you're a failure if just means you haven't gotten that far in your life yet. If you're where I am right now, just know it's going to be OK, and even in times when you feel like you're alone & can't get out of that hole just know I'm always cheering for you! YOU CAN DO IT, & if they say you can't it's only because they are too afraid to try.

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