motivational moment necessary.

Saturday, January 07, 2012

Motivational posts are usually reserved for Mondays, but sometimes we need to regroup on a Saturday morning when the monsters come out at night.

2012 came in with a rush of calm on its heels. I can honestly say that I'd started the year off very zen, very accepting of my situation, very 'move forward with grace.' My sleep cycle hasn't necessarily been amazing but I'm seeing it as my last hurrah as an insomniac college student, and have dealt with my random middle of the day narcolepsy and early AM bedtimes. Sleep usually entails dreaming and dreaming is usually splendid, but one incident woke me up at 3am. I was literally stocking shelves in my dream and woke up going, "maybe this is a sign to contact them & get a similar job" and "maybe I should find work for the 3 days I'm off during this semester" and "what if this internship, or anyone, doesn't hire me after graduation? What am I going to do?" That calm, lovely zen feeling was suddenly bombarded with worry and anxiety about uncontrollable life events, the unforseen future, and a "chicken with its head cut off" feeling. Not knowing what else to do, this picture immediately popped into my head:

The truth is that I can have nightmares about the future, or the present, but dissecting the situation isn't going to make it better, make me feel better, or solve anything. It's not going to get me a job or focus me on the right now. Life right this second is a handful of confetti throw in the air and then quickly paused. Are they going upward? Down? Where will they all land? These questions don't need to be frightening ones. They don't need to wake you up in the middle of the night fearful of what is to come next. One of my main goals before the new year was to become accustomed to an unforseen future, to look at it with excitement rather than be scared of it. I think that every once and a while, when the demons start coming out of left field, we just need to be reminded who is the one in the driver's seat, who is the writer of this story, and that it is OK to fall sometimes, because you can always get right back up & start again.

My story doesn't end here, tonight, fearful of the next step. Instead, --it's corny, but --it's truly is just beginning. And what is life without a few missteps, bad mistakes, and scary nightmares? So next time your missteps wake you up in the middle of the night remember, don't worry about it, get excited for what is to come next! You are in control of your story, so make your lead character into a bad ass & go kick some!

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